[ fear has never made it into the equation, for him. many might argue it should have — that the shattered bones should have become more than a footnote in the memory, that there should have been concern for himself, too, not just for the person who'd ran away and left his heart shattered worse than any bones.
and yet, he's not afraid — hadn't been then, isn't now. fearing Peter has never made sense to him, not when there has never been a part of him that hasn't been fundamentally aware of the fact that Peter would never hurt him, not on purpose. never.
but he knows that out of the two of them, it is Peter who is afraid: of himself, of losing control. and so he's been careful, making sure to not push the boundaries of what Peter is comfortable with... but there are limits to it, how careful he can be, and right now, careful is the last thing on his mind. Peter's hand feels too warm against his skin, and his heart is making a good effort at trying to beat out of his chest.
stepping out of his jeans means stepping closer, close enough that Peter's hands would barely need to move to touch, close enough that he only needs to dip his head a little to place a kiss on the hollow of his throat.
yeah — words should probably go here, but just this once, Stiles is opting for actions before words, the hand that was resting on Peter's collarbone moving to cup the back of his head, fingers threading through the unruly strands of hair there as he places another kiss on the side of his throat, then another on his jawline. Peter may be able to stop himself from touching... but Stiles doesn't have that self-control, not right now.
he does, however, manage to whisper, ] Tell me to stop. [ because otherwise... he just might not. ]
( they both have been forced to practice their control, haven't they? Peter knows that pushing forward and pulling back is a hell of a lot of whiplash. maybe for awhile he even figured it'd just be easier if he stayed back, because that'd be easier on both of them. it just turns out, even when he tells himself that he can't be trusted yet (even though he has no plan on how much time needs to pass or how controlled he needs to hit), he's also incapable of not wanting to be near the guy he loves.
it's been slow, and each day he gets a little braver. this is the bravest he's been in a really long time, though, and both of them know it.
if Stiles is overwhelmed by how close he is, the same is just as true in reverse. maybe even more. his senses are always too descriptive, aren't they? and what little distance they had left is gone when Stiles takes a step closer, and it's true, he almost has to work to avoid touching him at this proximity. for a second, god, for a second? he does. and then even his resistance proves to be insufficient, hands landing on bare skin even as his breath catches in his throat at kisses in places he hasn't had touched in months.
tell me to stop. maybe he should, but he can't find the words. Peter breathes out, before his hands grip just barely at Stiles hips and holds on, keeping him close, saying without saying he does not want him to move back. if that touch wasn't invitation enough, leaning forward to press his mouth to Stiles shoulder might be. in the end, there's no need to translate touches, because it's only fair he admit the truth, even if it's obvious. )
I don't want you to. ( it's a risk, but isn't it a risk worth taking? hasn't their entire relationship been exactly that? if Stiles wants to cross that border, trusts him enough to keep drawing him closer, does it really make sense to keep him at arms length? no, because it isn't what either of them want. it doesn't mean the barriers are broken, that the fear has died a sudden and miraculous death. but it does mean that Peter is willing to try and fight past it. he'll never learn unless he allows himself the opportunity to try. )
[ it's funny how he's never afraid of the things he should be, and yet right now, what scares him the most is the thought of doing something wrong, making Peter pull back and away — but Peter hasn't been this close to him for what feels like forever,and he's not about to waste the chance he's giving both of them to prove that it's okay, being close to each other is okay. that they can try.
because if Peter doesn't want him to stop? then he's sure as hell not going to. ]
Then — [ he shudders as Peter's mouth presses against his bare shoulder, has to take a moment to remember to breathe. ]
I won't, [ he says, though the words are more of an exhale than anything else as his hands continue to move, from the back of his neck down his spine, then resting at his hip as he keeps pressing kisses to Peter's jawline, only straying from it when he finally kisses the corner of his mouth. ]
... because I don't want to, either. [ it's only fair he say it, too, as implied as it's been, already. ]
( it's an impossibly difficult line to walk, wanting to be close and being terrified that he's not strong enough. or, more accurately, he's too strong. he's lifted cars, caught bullet trains, punched holes through buildings and hit the ground so hard he left a crater instead of just dying there like a normal person. more than that, Peter has seen the proof that he's strong enough to absolutely destroy, even when he would never dream of wanting to. watching it happen once had been bad enough, the second time had been like a painful wakeup call that his powers were a curse as much as a gift.
when Peter was still living on the delusion that he'd push Stiles out of his life and barely exist beyond his dedication to heroism, he was determined never to risk this kind of contact again. as good as it felt, it wasn't worth the risk. it was too selfish an indulgence. and while Peter is more than aware Stiles would love him just as much if their relationship consisted only of an occasional hand hold and a closed mouth kiss here or there, Peter doesn't want that for either of them.
it's taken awhile, and his reform is not going to be instant. but it's something he wants to learn, grows more and more determined to learn as Stiles gets closer and the reminders flood back of how badly he craves this sort of touch. he's tired of letting fear stand between them. if Stiles isn't afraid, then Peter can learn to let go of his, too. )
Oh, good. This could have gotten super awkward, otherwise, ( Peter mumbles with half a laugh, ruining the moment because of course he would, but if Stiles loves him then he loves him bad jokes and all. his hands sneak around Stiles instead of hovering at his hips, relishing in the fact they are close without allowing guilt to cloud it. Stiles catches the corner of his mouth, Peter trades that for a kiss full on the mouth. hot and painted with desperation he's felt just as long as Stiles, just gotten a lot better at ignoring. it means they're very close when he finally pauses exploring the taste of Stiles' mouth to inquire, ) Are we going to get into this spring or just make out here, because I guess I'm game either way but it'd be weird if someone walked in. Just saying.
( like it wouldn't be weird no matter what.... i hate this i hate this tag )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
and yet, he's not afraid — hadn't been then, isn't now. fearing Peter has never made sense to him, not when there has never been a part of him that hasn't been fundamentally aware of the fact that Peter would never hurt him, not on purpose. never.
but he knows that out of the two of them, it is Peter who is afraid: of himself, of losing control. and so he's been careful, making sure to not push the boundaries of what Peter is comfortable with... but there are limits to it, how careful he can be, and right now, careful is the last thing on his mind. Peter's hand feels too warm against his skin, and his heart is making a good effort at trying to beat out of his chest.
stepping out of his jeans means stepping closer, close enough that Peter's hands would barely need to move to touch, close enough that he only needs to dip his head a little to place a kiss on the hollow of his throat.
yeah — words should probably go here, but just this once, Stiles is opting for actions before words, the hand that was resting on Peter's collarbone moving to cup the back of his head, fingers threading through the unruly strands of hair there as he places another kiss on the side of his throat, then another on his jawline. Peter may be able to stop himself from touching... but Stiles doesn't have that self-control, not right now.
he does, however, manage to whisper, ] Tell me to stop. [ because otherwise... he just might not. ]
no subject
it's been slow, and each day he gets a little braver. this is the bravest he's been in a really long time, though, and both of them know it.
if Stiles is overwhelmed by how close he is, the same is just as true in reverse. maybe even more. his senses are always too descriptive, aren't they? and what little distance they had left is gone when Stiles takes a step closer, and it's true, he almost has to work to avoid touching him at this proximity. for a second, god, for a second? he does. and then even his resistance proves to be insufficient, hands landing on bare skin even as his breath catches in his throat at kisses in places he hasn't had touched in months.
tell me to stop. maybe he should, but he can't find the words. Peter breathes out, before his hands grip just barely at Stiles hips and holds on, keeping him close, saying without saying he does not want him to move back. if that touch wasn't invitation enough, leaning forward to press his mouth to Stiles shoulder might be. in the end, there's no need to translate touches, because it's only fair he admit the truth, even if it's obvious. )
I don't want you to. ( it's a risk, but isn't it a risk worth taking? hasn't their entire relationship been exactly that? if Stiles wants to cross that border, trusts him enough to keep drawing him closer, does it really make sense to keep him at arms length? no, because it isn't what either of them want. it doesn't mean the barriers are broken, that the fear has died a sudden and miraculous death. but it does mean that Peter is willing to try and fight past it. he'll never learn unless he allows himself the opportunity to try. )
no subject
because if Peter doesn't want him to stop? then he's sure as hell not going to. ]
Then — [ he shudders as Peter's mouth presses against his bare shoulder, has to take a moment to remember to breathe. ]
I won't, [ he says, though the words are more of an exhale than anything else as his hands continue to move, from the back of his neck down his spine, then resting at his hip as he keeps pressing kisses to Peter's jawline, only straying from it when he finally kisses the corner of his mouth. ]
... because I don't want to, either. [ it's only fair he say it, too, as implied as it's been, already. ]
no subject
when Peter was still living on the delusion that he'd push Stiles out of his life and barely exist beyond his dedication to heroism, he was determined never to risk this kind of contact again. as good as it felt, it wasn't worth the risk. it was too selfish an indulgence. and while Peter is more than aware Stiles would love him just as much if their relationship consisted only of an occasional hand hold and a closed mouth kiss here or there, Peter doesn't want that for either of them.
it's taken awhile, and his reform is not going to be instant. but it's something he wants to learn, grows more and more determined to learn as Stiles gets closer and the reminders flood back of how badly he craves this sort of touch. he's tired of letting fear stand between them. if Stiles isn't afraid, then Peter can learn to let go of his, too. )
Oh, good. This could have gotten super awkward, otherwise, ( Peter mumbles with half a laugh, ruining the moment because of course he would, but if Stiles loves him then he loves him bad jokes and all. his hands sneak around Stiles instead of hovering at his hips, relishing in the fact they are close without allowing guilt to cloud it. Stiles catches the corner of his mouth, Peter trades that for a kiss full on the mouth. hot and painted with desperation he's felt just as long as Stiles, just gotten a lot better at ignoring. it means they're very close when he finally pauses exploring the taste of Stiles' mouth to inquire, ) Are we going to get into this spring or just make out here, because I guess I'm game either way but it'd be weird if someone walked in. Just saying.
( like it wouldn't be weird no matter what.... i hate this i hate this tag )